Inside the world of online romance scams

Chris Gordon interviews Sofija Stefanovic about her new short book


I thought

Thanks very much! It’s the first big thing I’ve had published, so it’s really nice to hear you say you liked it. And yeah, it’s sad, the world of romance scams. People fall in love and are punished for it very badly.

I know you met Bill, the main subject matter, when working in TV. What made you expand his story?

Bill and I have been friends for a few years now (since the TV show, Head First), and I visit him whenever I’m in Brisbane. We drink wine and talk about things (love mostly). When I went there one time, I noticed he was sad, and suspected he was being scammed again. Remembering all his stories – about that dark time in his life – made me want to get to the bottom of what was going on. So I immersed myself in the world of romance scams, how they work in general, what makes someone get drawn into one, and I was also particularly interested in the other side: I wanted to talk to a scammer.

How’s Bill now? Have you kept in touch?

Bill and I are in touch. We talk on the phone and I often email him goofy photos of me in New York (which is where I’m living at the moment). He tells me he’s not sending any money overseas, which is good, as I worry about him being broke. But I believe he’s still in touch with people on the internet who, in my opinion, are scammers. In his opinion, they are not. It’s one of the things Bill and I disagree on.

It didn’t surprise me that you were not successful in scamming a scammer. I kept thinking of all these poor people, all over the world, following such strict rules laid down by some task master about how to scam, who to scam, and where to scam. I was impressed though with your efforts. I guess no one grows up wanting to rip people off for a living…

I don’t know if ‘scamming a scammer’ is exactly what I was doing, I’d probably say I was ‘trying to get a scammer to open up to me’, by posing as a potential victim. But you’re right, I was using fake identities, so I guess that falls into the realm of scamming!

I actually WAS surprised I couldn’t get a scammer to talk to me about their work. They get such a bad write-up, I was hoping there would be someone who wanted to set the record straight. I mean, scammers come from all around the world, from all different backgrounds. Many of them work for large syndicates, but some work alone, too. I was hoping someone would be willing to come forward, either for the purposes of showing off about their achievements, or to set the record straight.

I was pretty shocked by how successful the scammers are. The stats on money lost was staggering to me.

Yes. Once people get drawn in, and make an investment, it’s hard to stop sending money. It’s called ‘sunk cost fallacy’ – when you think that putting in more money will get back the money you lost. Bill lost about a hundred thousand dollars, and that’s quite common. People mortgage their houses, get bank loans, borrow money from friends. It’s pretty bad.

Looking for love over the internet seems fraught. Do you think it’s possible that there are success stories?

Absolutely! So many people find love online. I’ve met many people who have. You just have to look out for scammer warning signs, and try to find someone who you can meet in person. If you can’t see the person face-to-face, or at least over Skype or something, that’s a warning sign. If someone you’ve never met in person asks you for money, that’s another sign. Don’t send the money. You can also do image-searches and IP address searches to make sure the person you’re communicating with isn’t using fake photos, or lying about their location.

I’m also a big fan of meeting in person. I’ve run some dating events, and I think they’re very fun. I wish there was more of them, and there wasn’t so much stigma attached, so people could get out there and meet like-minded potential-romances. I also understand there are many people who aren’t able to run around looking for love (elderly, less mobile, rural), so the internet is the only way.

And finally, Valentine’s Day. I know you are in NY right now. This day is much bigger there than here (thank fully). Are you heading into the day with open arms or with some sadness that we, as a society, seem to neglect our elders and our most vulnerable?

Ah, Valentine’s Day. I don’t like all the trash it generates, but I like the idea of a day dedicated to love. I bet it’ll be a busy day for scammers, sending poetry all over the place. And there will be a lot of lonely people on their computers reading the poetry with full hearts. Humans are funny aren’t they? We’re just soft and soppy and want to be loved. It’s nice.

And because said day is nearly upon us, here’s a cheesy question to finish with: Would you call yourself a romantic?

Yes!

And finally huge congratulations on your compelling writing. I rang my mother in law, who lives by herself, as soon as I finished reading your work. It’s good to check in.

It’s really important to check in! People who are being scammed often feel ashamed and alone. Often, in the back of their head they know they’re being scammed, but they find it hard to seek help. As a society, we’re not very supportive of scam victims, even though usually, their only crime is being vulnerable and looking for love. I hope your mother-in-law isn’t having online dating issues!

Cover image for You're Just Too Good To Be True

You’re Just Too Good To Be True

Sofija Stefanovic

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