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The Profit Muhammad: The Epic Ayahuasca Trip by Johann Bachmann Approximate length: 55,000-60,000 words Genre: Visionary Fiction, Satire, Psychedelic Comedy
Description:
"Those who seek truth may find enlightenment. Those who seek profit should bring a receipt." -Ancient Startup Proverb
In this outrageous and mind-bending spiritual satire, Muhammad-a washed-up spiritual consultant with three followers and a half-burnt robe-sets off on a jungle ayahuasca retreat to find himself, only to stumble upon something far more lucrative: the untapped market of spiritual capitalism.
Armed with a Profit Playbook(TM), a penchant for branding the divine, and a remarkable tolerance for designer vomit bags, Muhammad becomes a Profit with an F. His psychedelic journey takes him through visionary realms of influencer Jesuses, Armani-suited fart clouds, and celestial business funnels. He networks with angels, negotiates licensing rights for miracles, and drafts business plans between hallucinations. Enlightenment? Maybe. A subscription model for salvation? Definitely.
The Profit Muhammad: The Epic Ayahuasca Trip is an unapologetically absurd tale of vision quests, divine disruption, and the commercialization of everything sacred. It's The Alchemist meets Silicon Valley-if Paulo Coelho dropped acid and pitched his journey to Shark Tank.
Whether you're spiritually curious, spiritually exhausted, or just spiritually broke, this book is your backstage pass to the influencer-industrial afterlife. Sit back, sip the sacred brew, and prepare to purge... your skepticism.
What You'll Find Inside
A sample of the chapters in this metaphysical marketing manual disguised as a novel:
Foreword & Preface - Meet the narrator, your Profit, and the jungle that branded him. Chapter 1: The First Sip - Ayahuasca tastes like compost wine. The purge begins. Chapter 2: Visions of the Hustle - Influencer saints, startup saviors, and visionary fart clouds. Chapter 3: Jesus Christ - The Rebranded Messiah - Livestreamed forgiveness, holy NFTs, and cross-branding strategies. Chapter 4: Moses - The Legalistic Lawgiver - Commandments, compliance, and the original tax code of heaven. Chapter 5: Baptized in Clout - Social media confessions, viral grace, and branded miracle water. Chapter 6: Forgiveness Funnels - Divine marketing, guilt-driven donation models, and AI-powered prayers. Chapter 7: The Church of the Profit(TM) - A new religion born from memes, metrics, and monetized meaning. Chapter 8: The Final Pitch - Muhammad's showdown with celestial investors and the void itself.
Why You Should Read This Book:
For fans of Douglas Adams, Kurt Vonnegut, Chuck Palahniuk, or American Gods. If you've ever side-eyed a self-help guru and thought, "Is this enlightenment or a pyramid scheme?" Because nothing is sacred anymore-but it can still be funny as hell.
A fast-paced, irreverent ride through modern mysticism, influencer culture, and the hustle to be holy, this book is your satirical sermon for the 21st century. Unbutton your chakras and get ready to optimize your soul.
