A proper obituary for a famous shelving unit; an ode to a vacuum flask; a Socratic dialogue on product naming; a product recall for a disco ball; a rondeau for LED lighting, set to music for four voices. These are only five of the fifty shades of IKEA, printed on paper, flatpacked inside glossy cover stock, no assembly required. Just open and read. Fifty Shades of IKEA is a collection of fifty essays, stories or poems, each written in a different writing genre, none of which is abusive relationship erotica.