Where There’s Smoke, There’s Liars: Woke Island Battle Royale

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In 2017, Aleksander Eaton is cancelled by an online woke mob. Shortly thereafter, his defenestrators begin mysteriously disappearing. The police bring him in for questioning, but more of these woke warriors continue disappearing while he’s in police custody, so the cops have to let him go. Eventually-and entirely inexplicably-it is revealed that 23 members of the mob that cancelled him wind up in a Maersk shipping container together. The sea can is loaded onto a container ship, which is set to depart from Montreal to Jamaica.

Not long after they set sail, a violent storm knocks their container off the ship. It eventually crashes against a sea stack next to a very small island near Bermuda. After exploring the island, they realize they have access to fresh water, but no food-which in turn leads to the realization that, barring rescue, they’re destined to resort to cannibalism to stay alive.

One day, one of them discovers-hidden in a (not burning) bush-a robe, as well as two stone tablets upon which are engraved The Ten Woke Commandments. He is heralded as the island’s messiah and, before long, the inhabitants begin murdering each other as commandment after commandment is broken in breathtakingly short order, leading to these deranged cancellation enthusiasts first figuratively then literally eating themselves.