-A Satire Dark Humor Short Story-Jackie Chan wants to have a love scene in one of his movies. He never, ever gets to have one. Even Steven Seagal has had the honors of acting romantic encounters. Jackie decides to enlist the help of Bridget Chase to transport him to the set of the movie ‘Arthur’, because as everyone knows, Jackie Chan loves him no one more than that hot actress Jennifer Garner. However upon this Quantum Hollywood leap, Jackie is encountered by a Mandela Effect Traveling Nicholas Cage brandishing a devious mustache. Said Mustached-Star steals Jennifer by way of floating Pirate Ship. Jackie is devastated; so, Bridget decides with the right help they can track her down and retrieve her like all good leading men do. Together the two seek out the Rock-afire Explosion animatronic band. More specifically, the Robot-Dog-Space-Drummer, Dook LaRue whom has Tom Hanks’ face CGI-ed onto it. With a mystical drum solo by Tom-Hanks-Dook-LaRue-CGI-Face the two heroes are given the whereabouts of that infinitely hot actress and her current Alias.Will Jackie’s good boy antics, the same chivalrous behaviors which has excluded him from sexual encounters in movies, keep him from attaining his sole mission? Or will he make the necessary change to achieve his dreams of sampling those Garner titties?-SAMPLE-I’ve Got Balls Fer HerJackie Chan was on his computer. He was scrolling through images of Jennifer Garner. She’s so fucking hot! Oh baby! Look at those titties. I want them titties. Give me them titties. All my Oriental cock wants is some of them titties, please God. She’s so hot. …(8*bunny-enter: Bubba LOveSMAsh- They are lick-able. And, her lips-static*44)JJD77^…zinC- Dr. StaNFAntastiC: Lips fer suckin’ some dick!(((99)+ add. His Oriental fingers kept flinging-rolling-scrolling through the Google image results. He found one of Jennifer Garner in a bathing suit coming out of the water in a swimming pool. My God, those titties are hot. I just have to have them. I must have them. I must have them! So, Jackie Chan decided to call the only person he knew who might be able to help. Oh man, I hope he’s home. If he’s home, then we’ll be able to travel through time to the movie. Which movie? Maybe the movie Arthur starring Russell Brand. He’s married to Jennifer Garner in the movie so I’m calling. That way, I can bang her in the movie. Hell, maybe I’ll get to bang her some off screen in my ‘Bang Jennifer’ trailer, BOING! It’s no fair ‘ol Jackie never gets to have sex, oh so sexy, sex in his movies. What am I? A boy? A… a, shit I don’t know. I’m a man. A man that wants to fuck in my movies! The phone rang. Hello? Hey, Bridget Chase, Jackie Chan said. Bridget was at home cuttin’ up some salad; some lettuce for a salad. Hey what’s up Jackie Chan? What can I do for you?
Hey buddy, I got to let you know- I love Jennifer Garner. I must have her, okay? Cool.
I get that. So, what are we going to do? Bridget asked. -END SAMPLE-