Not Safe For Kids

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WARNING: THIS BOOK IS GUARANTEED TO EMOTIONALLY FUCK UP YOUR KIDS

Ah, children. They are obnoxious little question machines. And they won’t shut up until you’ve given them a response. Dumb jerks. This book addresses all the cold, hard answers to all those stupid, stupid questions like:

Does your poop smell bad? That means you’re dying.

How do little rocks turn into big ones? They eat people.

Did you know you can breathe underwater? It’s true. Your body doesn’t like it at first, but you totally can.

Did you know that holding babies makes you run faster? Try it and see!

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could go back in time and fight dinosaurs for control of the moon? No it wouldn’t be. You’d totally die.

So sit down and layer on the emotional scarring with this read-aloud picture book you WISH you could share with children. A hilarious read that is NOT SAFE FOR KIDS.