Things Stoned People Say

Chances are you don’t remember what you said when you were high, which is a shame, because it was probably incredibly deep and enlightening (or possibly dumb and incriminating, but we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt). Fortunately, the guy sitting in the corner was scribbling your brilliant words on napkins and texting them to Morton Carter for posterity:

You have friends in high places. I just have high friends.

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Make me unweird.

Violence is never the answer, man. Unless the question is ‘what is never the answer?’

You know what would make a great book, man? The history of tits.

There’s no fake monkey teeth. I looked that up, too.

No matter how long you live, you’re dead a lot longer.

In the spirit of Things Drunk People Say, the stumbling, intriguing, nonsensical but hilarious words are enhanced with creative, original art and published for the world to see (don’t worry, the quotes are listed anonymously). You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder why the hell you’re ever sober when you’re clearly much more interesting when you’re stoned. Why didn’t anyone think of this before?