Writing (For Beer Money)

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"Is this a book of writing advice or a satire of books of writing advice?"

'Frankenstein

"I laughed when I should have learned and I learned when I should have laughed!"

'Frankenstein's Monster

"If you're sick of books written by cock-sure absolutist industry insiders promising to make you a better writer that never work as advertised (both the books and the cock-sure writers), you'll love this book promising to make you a better writer that doesn't work as advertised (its author hasn't held a job long enough to be an insider of anything)!"

'Tarzan

"Simply the best book of writing advice ever written!"

'Your Name Here ($50)

"Who pays the $50?"

'Alright, $60

"I never said 'I can't recommend this book highly enough'. I said 'I can't recommend this book'."

'Ebenezer Scrooge

"Simply the best book of writing advice I've ever written!"

'Sherlock Holmes

"Simply a book of writing advice ever written!"

'Dracula

"What is the point of this masturbatory nonsense? Can I say 'masturbatory' in a book blurb?"

'Misty B Torrie

"No."

'Dorian Gray

"Besides the blurbs where the publisher sleazily begs us for money (or offers to pay us money?) and the masturbation joke, the quoted are all just characters from public domain movies and books..."

'Night of the Living Dead

"Look, worst case scenario, this book's cheap."

'Alright, $8