Almost half of all men and women will cheat during their relationship. With the court decisions of Lawrence (2003) and Martin v. Ziherl (2005), laws against affairs between consenting adults have been invalidated. Modern psychological theory suggests that humans are not naturally monogamous, yet most people are trapped in an economic and social cycle that forces them to marry and penalizes them for cheating. We look at the realities of cheating, and consider when it is ethical. We look at harm reduction - most men and women will cheat, how do we do it in the way that is least harmful to our partner and least destructive to our lives. This is an honest blunt guide for men who find themselves in a situation that our society prefers to address with platitudes and soundbites. In the first section, we take a realistic look at the reasons that individuals may choose to cheat, avoiding inflammatory language and focusing on science and sociology. Rather than shaming men for cheating, we look at the underlying causes and understand that many men may have little real choice. In the second section, we investigate the world of cheating. What is and isn’t safe, how it relates to sex work, and where people go to find partners. We discuss services like Ashley Madison and the security risks, as well as STD and health concerns. Finally, we look at the effect of discovery on a partner, and the factors that lead to the discovery of affairs, including paper trails, poor alibis, and bad planning. A man who is driven to an affair is seldom a professional espionage agent, and his ability to keep an intimate part of his life under cover can be exhausting and often unsuccessful. We provide the basic facts to ensure good security in carrying out what is, now, a legal activity. In concluding we talk about long term issues and taking a realistic appraisal of the current partnership. Throughout our goal is not to judge but to provide solid, realistic, information.
