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Florence grew up in a small town on Long Island during the late sixties. Her father was an alcoholic, and, like many children of alcoholics, she learned at an early age to subjugate her own needs and feelings to keep peace in the household. From the time she was a young girl, she dreamed of someday getting married and having her own family. After a couple of tumultuous relationships, she marries someone from her past. Sheltered within the institution of marriage, it was a place to hide from the outside world. However, the outside world has a way of creeping in. Unable to find work, he persuades her to leave New York and her family behind. Florence struggles to balance the joy of motherhood with her homesickness. She registers at a community college and discovers an outlet for her unrest. Although she believed she wasn’t college material, she manages to graduate after twelve years. Her hopes to pursue a career are thwarted when her husband, Edward quits his job and needs her to help start his own business. Overworked and exhausted, all she wants to do is retire and move to Florida. Edward puts a deposit on a townhouse, but before it is complete, they are getting divorced. Desperately trying to hold onto everything she had worked for, she must learn to let make it on her own.
Codependency! I had always rolled my eyes when someone said the word codependent. It wasn’t until after being involved with a sociopath that the term codependency registered with me. I wanted to understand why I let him control my life for four years, even though I knew the relationship was a dead-end. Then I came across an article by Dr. Ross Rosenberg called The Codependency Dance. It explained the dynamics behind a relationship between givers and takers. For the first time, it all made sense. I had to take a closer look.
So what exactly is codependency? It’s not easy to explain, and I’m still learning. Things like self-love and respect, which go hand in hand with boundaries, are something I’ve always had a hard time establishing. My first exposure to the concept other than hearing people use it as a crutch to explain the behavior was a video test by Toxic to Love. A series of personality tests. Out of curiosity, I decided to take it. The video began with nine signs of codependency.
At the end of the video, I scored a perfect nine. The result said, The nature of your upbringing suggests codependency. Advice: take a good, hard look at your boundaries. My mouth dropped open, and I had my first aha moment.
For anyone who has ever wanted to understand codependency, this is a great book. Rather than reading something clinical on the subject, the reader lives the co-dependent’s life through the book. The narrative unfolds naturally and flows well. The message about the care of self becomes very clear as the story progresses…. Karen Walpole for Readers’ Favorite
