A collection of essays that are like being seated beside the most entertaining guest at a dinner party (Atlanta Journal Constitution)-from the New York Times bestselling author of American Housewives

Thank you Helen Ellis for writing down the Southern Lady Code so that others may learn. -Ann Patchett, bestselling author of The Dutch House

Helen Ellis has a mantra: If you don’t have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way. Say weathered instead of she looks like a cake left out in the rain and I’m not in charge instead of they’re doing it wrong.

In these twenty-three raucous essays, Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a Burberry trench coat, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left Alabama for New York City, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.