Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Delivering belly laughs, hee-haws, and downright slackjaw amazement, this hilarious guide to the homeland of George W. and Willie Nelson is the essential how-to for surviving in the Lone Star State. From strange Texas laws and the history of Dr. Pepper to Texas Talk (in which a turd floater is a heavy downpour) and final-meal requests by death row inmates, Kinky Friedman, the oldest living Jew in Texas who doesn’t own any real estate, provides an insider’s guide that will be loved by native Texans and the rest of us poor devils alike.

Even if you don’t know the difference between an Aggie and an armadillo – or what’s really in the back on Willie Nelson’s tour bus – you can pass for a Texan with the Kinkster’s expert coaching. So grab your hairspray and the keys to the Cadillac and get reading!