The Teen Advisory Board were absolutely thrilled to read Kay Kerr’s recent nonfiction book, Love & Autism. It was an insightful and engaging book that showed a diverse range of experiences of young neurodivergent people growing up and experiencing love in its many different facets. Below is the Q&A that the board conducted with Kerr.

How did it feel writing and learning more about the perspectives of other people with autism? Did you develop a closer connection to them through their stories and did you find any similarities to your own experiences?

While this book was the hardest of any I have written, interviewing Jess, Chloë, Michael, Tim, and Noor, as well as the additional people included, was a privilege and a joy. Connecting with other autistic people and talking about our lives, our experiences, our interests, reminds me how lucky I am to be part of such a wonderful community. And I know the people interviewed did so in hopes of helping the autistic community, so it would be impossible not to feel closely connected to them because of that. I definitely feel there are many similarities between our stories, and between all the stories. Part of the challenge and the fun of writing the book was weaving it all together.

When writing Love & Autism did you ever feel like you could not give the life experiences justice? How would/did you go with overcoming that feeling?

Absolutely, that was why this felt like the highest stakes project I have ever worked on – because it involved real people and their real lives. I am always trying to figure out ways to avoid being swallowed by overwhelm, in life and in writing, so in this instance I had to really break down the project into tiny, achievable steps and just focus on doing the next thing. I don’t know that I overcame that feeling during the writing process, but I definitely managed it until I had a first draft I could show to everyone and we could workshop it to make sure everyone was happy. Then I could relax a little bit. 

How have you reached this place of such incredible pride in your identity as an autistic person? Is there anything that you would like to impart to young neurodiverse people still on that journey?

I think radical acceptance has a lot to do with it, as well as immersing myself in the autistic community and getting to witness other autistic people do their incredible things. Representation and community are so important. I don’t think pride exists or has to exist without other, more difficult feelings either. I am proud of my identity, but I also feel frustrated with certain elements of being autistic, I can sometimes feel embarrassed, burnt out, rejected. But my energy is a finite resource and I want to use it doing things that are helpful to me, and hopefully helpful to other people as well, so I try my best to make positive, healthy choices in how I use it.

What were you able to learn through the process of writing your book, and conducting your interviews?

There was so much I learned through this process. I had held onto the belief that my life would have been easier if I had known I was autistic earlier, but I dispelled a lot of my own long-held myths around earlier diagnosis through talking to people like Jess, Michael, and Tim, who had their diagnoses as children. My knowledge and understanding of what it is like to be a non-speaking autistic person was minimal, and Tim taught me so much. I was able to learn and think a lot more deeply about the intersections of identity and how much privilege comes with being a white, cis, able-bodied autistic person, with so much wisdom from Noor and others here too. I got to delve into the dynamics of neurodivergent relationships, and how people often see them from the outside, thanks to Chloë and Jacob. I was able to really consider schooling as a system, and how it is stacked against neurodivergent kids. This was especially important to me as I was writing as I was reentering the system, this time as a parent instead of a child. I really could go on and on…

What was the most surprising thing that you discovered when writing Love & Autism?
I discovered that what I had always understood as social anxiety in myself does not exist when I am interacting with other autistic people. And because of that ease, the energy it takes is far less than interacting with non-autistic people. 

How do you feel about neurotypical authors writing about neurodivergent characters?
It is a complex topic and one I think about a lot. I think there is such value in the ‘Own Voices’ movement, and highlighting writers whose work reflects their lived experiences. To me, those are the stories and the characters I seek out, particularly for autistic or otherwise neurodivergent representation. It just hits different for me. And historically, people with marginalised identities have not been given the same opportunities to tell their stories, so it is overdue and important. But I don’t think ‘only neurodivergent people should write neurodivergent characters’, because I don’t feel that is my place to say. I do not speak for all autistic people, I can only speak from my own experiences and life. Writing is creative expression, and everyone is going to come to that from a different place. I am interested in exploring and learning about writers’ experiences with this – what is their motivation, what research have they done, that kind of thing.