Siblings Benjamin Law and Michelle Law discuss putting together their new book, Sh*t Asian Mothers Say
BENJAMIN: So when was the first time you realised our Asian mother was different to other mothers? Shall we start with the clothes?
MICHELLE: We should point out, Mum’s fashion phases have changed over time.
B: That’s true. There was a period in the mid-90s where we all – including Mum – joked that she looked like an oddly-dressed lesbian. Mostly because of the hair.
M: Well, it was the ‘90s. She was keeping up with the times. Nowadays though, it’s more like she’s dressing like a young woman.
B: Which is exactly what she looks like, because of her size.
M: I often see girls younger than me … and they’re wearing Mum’s clothes.
B: To clarify, she’s not wearing clothes that say “Bratz” or “Slutz” or anything. She just happens to have the frame of a young Western girl, and they all just happen to be relatively huge. Anyway, you had Asian friends growing up. Did you see Mum having stuff in common with their mums?
M: One thing I’ve noticed is that Asian mothers tend to eat things in ways other people wouldn’t necessarily eat them. Corn out of a tin.
B: Lettuce out of a bag. In the book, we say there are four types of Asian mothers: Tiger Mum, the martyr, the worrier and the embarrasser. Which do you think is most like Mum?
M: Mum’s more of a worrier. She was constantly worried that we’d get raped.
B: Not me.
M: That was the double standard. But she’s also a martyr when she says we’ll feel guilty when she dies. And when we don’t call her. And then when I do feel guilty and I’m upset about it, she says, ‘No, you shouldn’t feel guilty – don’t worry about that sort of thing!’ BUT YOU HAVE INGRAINED THIS IN ME.
B: She is diabolical.
M: She’s also an embarrasser.
B: She certainly makes a lot of incest jokes.
M: They never tend to embarrass me that much though, because she tends to do it so often. I’ve plateaued with my embarrassment.
B: When I was on a literary tour and staying in a hotel with Mum, Mum was staying with me in the double bed. In the lobby, she was a little tipsy and said to the other writers, “And now I’m going to bed with my son; maybe we’ll have the sex.”
M: Hideous. Mum does that less to me, but she’ll say that it’s “lesbian sex”.
B: Right-o. Anyway, did you have fun writing the book?
M: I did. But there were some things that were quite specific, and I thought, “Mum’s going to know we’re talking about her…”
B: Which is what we’re doing now!
M: What about you?
B: I thought it was going to be really racist and stereotypical. And it is!
M: Stereotypes exist for a reason – there’s always a certain amount of truth to them. As long as that’s not perceptions of an entire people. [Pauses] Which is what we’re doing!
B: Was there anything you were wary of writing in it?
M: All of the rape jokes. But it’s such a prevalent Asian mother warning: “Don’t get raped.” Mum says it so much. Asian mums have this perception that the world is a terrifying place and is out to get you.
B: Which is understandable if you come from Cultural Revolution China or you were chased out of Malaysia due to ethnic tensions, I guess.
M: Well, yeah.
B: You know, one great thing about Mum – like so many Asian mothers – is she did instill good discipline with skin care regimen. She spent so much time caring for her face. Not skin-whitening – like other Asian women – but she was good with the basics. I do remember when Australian men started moisturising more, and I thought to myself, “Don’t you all do this already? What are you, mud people?”
M: “You animals.” Also, Mum’s core values are very Asian. Like with girls, dressing modestly.
B: All Australian girls are SLUTS, is that what you’re saying?
M: Mum had really strict guidelines when it came to dressing, especially when going overseas to meet relatives. “Girls: you can’t wear anything too low cut.” And I don’t, to this day. And if you’re buying a skirt, you shouldn’t buy it unless it has a lining.
B: Wait, what’s that about?
M: Quality.
B: Oh, I thought it was so people can’t see your vagina outline.
M: And if you’re getting a handbag, it should have sections. And loyalty – you should stick with something, even if it’s not right necessarily all the time.
B: Which is why our mother left our father.
M: Well, there is a threshold of what you should stick to.
