In this edited extract of Raising Resilient Children: 7 Steps to Help Children Thrive in the Classroom and Beyond, Upschool co-founder and renowned teacher Gavin McCormack draws on neuroscience and his own extensive teaching experience in mainstream and Montessori schools to offer practical strategies for parents, caregivers and teachers to help children navigate life’s challenges, learn with passion and grow into capable, confident and compassionate human beings. Here are a few preview pointers!
Be on their team
In 2021, the UK’s Mental Health Foundation and Swansea University conducted a study involving 2,349 British teenagers aged 13 to 19. Their research revealed that 69% of the participants reported feeling alone ‘often’ or ‘sometimes’ in the previous fortnight, and 59% felt they had no one to talk to during that time.
These stark findings, alongside other international research, tell us that although many children have 30 other kids in their class, a teacher at school and parents at home, childhood can be a lonely place. Our children often feel alone, especially as they move into adolescence.
Of course, they have friends, but friendships can shift from week to week, or even day to day. These sudden changes, along with all the other challenges childhood delivers, can be terribly stressful. Children need a reliable support network behind them – like the pit crews at a Formula 1 race. Whether the driver finishes first or last, their team is always there, cheering them on, backing them up, and pushing them to be better with positivity and unwavering support.
As parents and teachers, we have a huge impact on our children’s future. The best thing we can do is let them know we’re on their side. There’ll be times when they need their ‘tyres pumped up’, and we might be the only ones consistently showing up for them. To do that, we must be actively present, offering words of encouragement and support, making sure they never feel alone no matter how difficult life may seem.
Use communication to lower their anxiety
Many children’s fears come from the uncertainty of the unknown. A lack of clarity about their day can turn small worries into big stressors, impacting their ability to focus and thrive. Questions like these can race through their minds:
- What lessons are happening today?
- Who will I sit with at lunch?
- Will my teacher be there?
- Who’s picking me up after school?
Now, think about how similar questions affect us as adults in our work or home life:
- What’s the agenda for today’s meeting?
- Who will be there?
- Will I have enough time to finish my tasks?
- Who’s picking up the kids?
These uncertainties can leave us ALL feeling anxious, distracted or overwhelmed. If it’s challenging for adults to navigate this unpredictability, imagine how much harder it must be for children, who lack the life experience and coping mechanisms we’ve developed. But don’t worry – I’ve discovered several fantastic ways to ease these anxieties, which will make everyone’s life a lot less stressful.
For parents, one of the simplest steps is to be on time for school. Of course, life happens, and being late occasionally is inevitable – especially with multiple children in a busy city. But aim to be at the classroom door on time. Although it may seem like nothing if we arrive a few minutes late, when you’re a child, it’s quite the opposite.
On countless occasions, I’ve seen what happens when a child arrives late to class. First, they walk in, feeling vulnerable and out of place. The other children have already chosen their seats, figured out who they’re playing with at lunchtime and caught up on the latest gossip. Whether it’s the latest Pokémon card or the new song by Taylor Swift, it all matters and your child feels like they’ve missed out – much like walking into an important executive meeting late with everyone turning to look. Being on time helps your child start the day with equality and inclusion.
At home, having a weekly family meeting can work wonders for everyone in your household. If this feels like I’m turning your entire existence upside down, remember, take what you like with these ideas and leave what you don’t. If you do like the idea of a family meeting, however, maybe start with a scheduled check-in where everyone talks about their week ahead. To complement this idea, you might have a calendar on the wall where everyone adds their plans:
- Who’s picking up the kids on Thursday?
- When is Daddy–Daughter Night?
- What homework is due?
Once again, sticking to the plan as much as possible is key. Of course, life changes and plans shift – that’s natural. But communicating any changes well in advance helps children feel secure and included. Children are highly perceptive. They’ll notice if they’re consistently being overlooked or if the plan changes at the last minute without warning.
In the classroom, with 30 children or more looking to find out what the week ahead is all about, preparation is just as important, if not more so. Teachers can outline the term’s subjects, projects, excursions and expectations from Day 1. If you’ve made your medium-term planning documents, then why not share a simplified version with your students? One they can stick in their books or even take home. Children can then refer back to the plan as the term progresses and tick off events, signifying progress; it’s something solid to rely on.
For teachers who wish to take this idea of communication one step further, a simple but effective strategy is to have a board by the classroom door that lists ‘the daily plan’. Before the children arrive at school, you write up the plans for the day for everyone to see, with times and even the ‘educational void’ or ‘free time’ allocation, which many children look forward to the most.
For younger children, you can make it more visual and include pictures rather than words. Either way, breaking down the day like this helps children know what to expect as soon as they walk in and discussing this plan during your morning meeting or circle time gives them the chance to ask questions and feel in control before the day kicks off.
Although this may seem time-consuming, research shows that structure and routine foster a sense of safety and reduce anxiety in children, especially those who are neurodivergent. A study by Selman et al. (2024) found that consistent routines and clear communication significantly reduced stress and improved emotional regulation in children with autism, as well as those living in foster care or refugee settings. For all children, however, having a clear sense of what’s coming next helps them stay focused and feel secure, allowing them to engage more fully in learning.
Plus, when children are aware of the schedule, they often become the guardians of time, reminding you if you stray from the plan by saying things like, ‘Sir, I think we’re 10 minutes late for the whole school assembly.’ With this kind of efficiency, Google Calendar may soon become a thing of the past!
10 things to always tell your child
Here are ten things I believe every parent should consistently whisper into their child’s ear before bedtime. These words are simple reminders that, no matter what, they’ll never face life’s challenges alone. There’s always someone ready to lift them up, recharge their spirit or be there to catch them on the hardest days.
1. I’m so proud of you. ‘Even when things don’t go perfectly, I love how you try your best.’
2. You can always talk to me. ‘I’m here to listen. No matter what’s on your mind, big or small, there’s never a bad time.’
3. It’s okay to make mistakes. ‘Everyone make mistakes, even grown-ups. What matters is that you learn and keep trying.’
4. I’ll always have your back. ‘No matter what, you can count on me to be there whenever you need me.’
5. You make my life better. ‘Just having you around makes every day more special for me.’
6. Be kind to yourself. ‘You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a good friend.’
7. It’s cool to be different. ‘The world needs people like you, with your unique ideas and dreams. Being yourself is what makes you special.’
8. You’re loved, no matter what. ‘Even if we argue or have tough days, my love for you never wavers.’
9. It’s okay to feel sad or angry sometimes. ‘Everyone feels sad or angry sometimes. I’m here if you want to talk about it or just need a hug.’
10. I love spending time with you. ‘Whether we’re doing something fun, chores or just hanging out, it’s always my favourite part of every day.’
Read more in Raising Resilient Children: 7 Steps to Help Children Thrive in the Classroom and Beyond.
