When Mary meets Monty, heir to a stately pile, happiness seems assured. But as the mansion crumbles, passion wanes along with the heating. Banker’s wife Beth swaps Notting Hill for weekends at a bijou cottage.

They only offered a smidgeon over the asking price. So why don’t the locals like them? Eco-harridan Morag is the terror of the village, with her objections to everyone and everything. Uber-WAG Alexandra needs a footballer’s mansion and fast. There must be a Hello!-tastic country pile with spa, champagne bar and parking for six SUVs somewhere? Ambitions clash when the village launches an allotment project and no one escapes the bitter struggle over sex, power and money which threatens to blight more than everyone’s carrots.