I’m sure that you will all be very excited to hear that, after many years of nigh incomparable introspective extractions of extravagant interdimensional immersion and dangerous mystical experimentation, I have, finally, and with great authoritative finality, solved the Earth. Huzzah! All that remains now is to translate these tactical transmutations into the tongues of all tribes, and surely prosperity and understanding shall proliferate among mankind for the duration of eternity! Alas, though I paint this serious topic in playful and lyrical whimsy, my intent to assist in the evolution of beneficial wisdom and understanding is sincere. Perhaps the serious tribe will be one of the first to translate some of these concepts into their more mechanically logical tone. Oh, did you think I meant other languages? No, no. The tribes assimilate information even among the same language in very different ways. Many English speakers scarce read a thing but can feel truth deeply through singing, for such is the intuitive method of their tribe’s reception. If you perceive merit in my musings, I may humbly request your assistance in this act of mass translation (and perhaps even salvation), as, alas, ideological keys have no value if they never reach the locks they belong to…