The world around you is a dangerous place. It’s teeming with savages, thugs, angry toddlers, and disgruntled clowns. And every one of them is secretly mulling a scenario that ends with them kicking you square in the junk. What do you do if you want to take on The Batman and live to brag about it to your kids? What do you do if a rabid alligator picks a fight with your little sister? What do you do if the beloved star of Forrest Gump tells you to shut the hell up in front of a huge crowd?

You read this book. It offers simple, effective instructions for beating up zombies, robots, co-workers–anything. The only limits are your imagination… and your habit of not following through on things, and possibly your uncoordinated, at times comically frail body.