Rae Earl is about to enter the most important year of her life - her actual bloody final year of school. But how the hell can she concentrate on that when it looks like the love of her life, Haddock, may be about to seriously do it with her? The thing is… is she ready? What if she’s actually meant to be with Battered Sausage?

And are either of these boys really that interested in her at all? She’s certainly not getting any thinner; in fact, she’s getting fatter. Every time she thinks of her final exams, she has to have another biscuit. Or five. And it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything when her mum’s Moroccan boyfriend is singing along to the radio in Arabic…