A weary record producer, a therapist and a bunch of fearsome-looking old rockers. Hmmm… sound familiar? Things start to go wrong for Metallica when bassist Jason Newstead quits the band… the remaining three members went for each other’s throats. Taking a cue from sports teams, the disintegrating band hired therapist Phil Towle to deal with “20 years of hatred.” Hetfield and Ulrich bicker like a long-married couple who find themselves bored, dissatisfied and on the rocks. Kirk Hammet, the only nice guy in the band, just wants to play guitar but can’t find the words to talk about his feelings. Hetfield then goes into therapy for “Alcohollica” (or is it to get away from Ulrich?), egomaniac Ulrich finds some other thing to get pissed off about, a new bassist gets hired and the band fires their therapist. The usual psycho-babble applied to their work as creators of speed metal was too much of a contrast, especially when former band member Dave Mustaine was whining about how much he hurts. Everywhere he goes, people are shouting, ‘Metallica Rules’. At this point it all gets loony and you try your best not to wet your pants.

Naz Nasir is from Readings Carlton