Intrepid Galactic Explorer Nort reporting. I have crash-landed my spaceship in strange, enormous surroundings full of gigantic flappy paper things. I overheard one of the planet dwellers calling them “books”. My ship may be ruined, but luckily my robotic information-gathering Dalmatian, who I have named Infalmatian, has survived the impact. His knowledge should come in handy.

I have explored this alien landscape further and discovered that books seem to be a source of both knowledge and entertainment for the tall-monsters, or humans, as Infalmatian calls them. I have discovered a few books that seem to touch on some primitive form of space travel. Perhaps by reading them I might find a way to fix my ship?

Got into a lengthy argument with Infalmatian about how space travel without a jelly to noodle conversion pump is nothing but the fevered dream of a madman, but Infalmatian pointed out, among other things, that perhaps the laws of Awesomdynamics work differently on this planet. And having read further I must conclude that he is correct.

Although sometimes I suspect that not all the information in these books is entirely accurate. I mean how could anybody possibly know that ALL aliens love underpants? Was each and every alien included in this census? But Infalmatian has informed me that Earth is currently celebrating its International Year of Astronomy, so I suppose the information must have come from somewhere reliable.

Well, no luck fixing my ship so far. I really don't know where I'm going to find some of the new parts that need to be replaced, like the Cheese Throttle. I guess I'm stuck here for now, but it's not that bad. I've definitely explored worse places in my time. And I’m sure if I keep my eyes and ears open, one of these books will contain the secret to returning to my home planet.

This is Nort, signing out.